Network BBDO in Johannesburg, South Africa, has won the Radio Grand Prix at the 2011 Cannes Lions for a set of creepy-comic ads promoting Mercedes-Benz's accident avoidance features.

     The narrators of the three spots are drivers who've been in car accidents, and now find themselves being hounded by the weird, lonely people they ran into. The message being: You want to avoid accidents partly because you want to avoid potential stalkers.

     The scripts are wonderfully absurd, with crazy little stalker-y details. Below is one script (and a link to the audio). Two more are posted after the jump, along with a list of all the Gold Lion winners in the category.

1) "Buds" (Listen to the spot)
     MAN: We met in a little head-on collision. Now I'm Ted's best and only friend.
     VIOLIN MUSIC
     MAN: When I draw my curtains in the morning he's there. He sent me his hair cuttings, and a bathmat lovingly woven from navel fluff.
     He likes to call often and say things like: "You have toothpaste on your left cheek" and "I like those boxers you're wearing."
     For my birthday, he sent me a half sheep and 27 emotionally fraught mix tapes.
     He is intimately acquainted with the contents of my bin. I know he's touched my earbuds.
     And he likes to knit things for me too. Things like ponchos, cat suits and eye patches.
     To think, if I'd been driving a Mercedes-Benz with Lane Assist, that nifty accident avoidance system, we never would've met.
     No accident, no new friend and no hidden camera in the shower.

2) "Love" (Listen to the spot)
     MAN: We met by accident, me and Janine. She was in my blind spot and I didn't even see her. Now we see each other the whole time.
     VIOLIN MUSIC
     MAN: Right off the bat, she told me, "I can't wait to mother your children," and I said "How did you get into my house?"
     Now she whistles love songs to me as she cleans her gun.
     I think she's had me micro-chipped because I once woke up groggy on a vet's table and because I beep every time I exit a shop. Airport security has become unbearable.
     She eats buffalo wings without spitting out the bones. None of her shirts have sleeves.
     She knows stuff about me that I haven't even told her. Mostly banking codes. And I'm pretty sure she sleeps with her eyes open.
     To think, if I'd been driving a Mercedes-Benz with Blind Spot Assist, one of their smart accident avoidance systems, we never, never would've met.
     No accident, no relationship and no taxidermy Tuesdays.

3) "Toby" (Listen to the spot)
     MAN: Toby von Hubert and I met quite by accident. I was his first ever human friend.
     VIOLIN MUSIC
     MAN: It all began when he gave me a selection of cheeses lovingly made by his own hand. To say thank you, I agreed to one Cluedo game. Now there isn't a night that goes by that I don't get guilted into an evening with Colonel Mustard.
     Toby used to be a prolific hand model. I've seen all his work, left and right—'89 through 2010.
     Sometimes, when I'm at the office, he sneaks into my home and sews elbow patches onto all my jackets. He says they're a sign of breeding. Even Toby's bathing costume has elbow patches.
     Thing is, if I'd been driving a Mercedes-Benz with Attention Assist, that smart driver fatigue prevention system, we never would've met.
     No accident, no blood brotherhood and no Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick.

Here are the other Gold Lion winners in Radio:
• Y&R Bangkok for Mai Tan
• Network BBDO Johannesburg for Galderma
• Lowe & Partners Singapore for Samroc Paint & Hardware
• Three Drunk Monkeys Sydney for Ikea
• Latinworks Austin for Cine Las Americas
• Grabarz & Partner Hamburg for Modern Music School
• DDB Bogotá for the Armed Forces of Colombia
• Jung von Matt Hamburg for Noah